Gray Divorce and Extended Care: The Conversation We’re Not Having

Divorce after age 50—often called “gray divorce”—has nearly doubled since the 1990s.

While much attention is given to dividing assets, retirement accounts, and the family home, there is one critical issue that is rarely discussed:

Who will provide care as we age?

For many couples, marriage has served as an informal long-term care plan. Spouses step in during illness. They provide transportation after surgery. They manage medications, meals, and household responsibilities when one partner’s health declines.

But when a long-term marriage ends later in life, that built-in support system disappears.

And for many in this age group, there will not be a second marriage.

The Extended Care Question

As individuals move forward independently, important questions arise:

• If extended care is needed, who will provide it?

• Will staying at home be an option?

• Can daily living tasks be managed without consistent assistance?

• What if only part-time or informal help is required—such as cooking, cleaning, or transportation?

These aren’t hypothetical concerns. They are practical realities for individuals entering retirement years alone.

Yet extended care planning is rarely addressed during divorce proceedings.

Why This Matters Financially

The cost of extended care can significantly impact retirement assets. Without planning, one health event can erode years of careful financial preparation.

What many people don’t realize is this: Extended care insurance policies are often less expensive for couples than for individuals. Some couples’ policies include shared or enhanced benefits that are not available once someone applies as a single individual. Once the divorce is finalized, that opportunity may be lost.

A Forward-Thinking Divorce Strategy

So why not address extended care during settlement discussions?

Including a couple's extended care policy as part of the divorce agreement can:

• Provide financial protection for both parties

• Preserve retirement assets

• Offer flexibility for aging in place

• Reduce reliance on adult children

• Create peace of mind during a major life transition

Divorce planning shouldn’t focus solely on dividing today’s assets. It should also safeguard tomorrow’s independence and dignity.

Gray divorce requires a shift in mindset. When two people who once relied on each other for care move forward separately, proactive planning becomes essential.

Extended care may not feel urgent in the moment—but the best time to plan is when options are widest, and premiums are most favorable.

As a CDFA®, I work with clients and their professional teams to ensure long-term care considerations are part of the financial conversation—not an afterthought.

Because walking away from a marriage shouldn’t mean walking away from future security.